A flash memory drive was found after this Hummer was blown up, it belongs to a U.S. Army Specialist, who served in Iraq. In his personal flash drive was a letter he planed to send to his family for the Christmas holidays, 2006.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am so glad I could send you my third Christmas greetings letter, and I hope it finds you in good health… God, I wish I was there with you right now, just sitting around the fireplace or engaging in conversation as we sit in front of the dinner table around this mouth-watering turkey in this blessed night.
And I hope that my letter would get to you in time … And so that you know, all my colleagues over here sends their warmest greetings to their parents as well.
I am sure you are wondering whether “Lee” is alright? And how is he managing his third year in Iraq?
In fact, my third year over here differs a lot from the previous two years, and it’s no secret that I’m a bit over my head and just can’t concentrate any more.
God I miss Florida so much, my hometown Sanford, the people, and the shiny beaches of Florida, specially the eastern coast. Do you by any chance know that there is no sea over here?!
I surly didn’t know either! I thought I was going to see clear water and gold sand wherever I turned my head, as that is what I know about the Arab lands and that’s what I saw when I set foot in Kuwait before I join my unit in Iraq.
Ahhhh … This brings back the memories of my first days in here … It’s been a long time indeed, I remember … I was stationed in one of the palaces which belonged to Saddam … I felt like a prince!!! Everybody did as well!!! How Ironic?!
Everybody was jumping with joy too, you can see that in the faces of everybody in the palace and at the hotel which I was transferred to later. Everybody was showing off the souvenirs they’ve collected for their trip back home as evidence of their heroic acts in the battlefield, like the helmet of a republican guard, or the pistol of a top official, or a plucked out portrait from of the palace walls. I remember one reporter that showed me a gilded machine gun MP-5, which he said was one of Saddam’s personal belongings, and that he will be offering it for sale in a New York auction after 15 years. He also told me that there are many other priceless pieces now in possession of soldiers and officers, describing the situation as if they found the treasure of Ali-Baba.
Everything was so easy at first, and it seemed like we did our job too soon. I remember one of the reporters asking me about our tasks back then, and my answer was fairly simple as our missions were all “clean”, like guarding Ministries and Banks from robbers (with the exception of those of gilded machine guns and antiquities), and also collecting weapons from the many abandoned military barracks and bases of the ex-Iraqi army, also the supervision of arms demolishment and vehicle dismantling in pre-made dumps, and lastly supervising the training of officers and soldiers of the new security forces.
Dear Dad, I always wondered where the America’s tax payers money is spent?, and when I came here I immediately knew the answer … However I don’t think all this money would be spent like this if it weren’t for the confidence and certainty by the military leadership of their capability of overthrowing Saddam’s regime… However, what they did not anticipate was the aftermath of this takeover.
On a personal level … I started to sense trouble when unidentified attackers targeted us and as we spent the rest of the days breaking in houses trying to catch them. During one of these nights, I remember how we broke into a house, and my colleagues Mathew, Parry and Douglas started smashing the house, and hitting the house owner and his young son with the butt of their guns until they both faded all because they couldn’t understand us. As I stood there speechless, only to wake up at the voice of my friend Parry saying: “It seems like the old guy is dead”, and eventually we found nothing.
And for all that, the attacks against us naturally increased, to a level where it became impossible to go out in your vehicle without having your patrol under attack at least once.
In light of such incidents the violence and counter violence started to erupt, and I admit that we have used excessive force a lot, to a level in which the people started to turn against us … and crimes committed by our soldiers during break-ins started to emerge such as burglary, harassment, raping and random man-slaughtering.
The strength of attacks intensified day after day, making it even hard to sleep because of the mortar shells.
I remember that day in the military base when we were asked to head for an auditorium to attend a meeting and a presentation for some new tactics briefing.
We went there and in the way I saw Wilson staring at the Humvees and I wondered why? But when I saw the door of the Humvee with some shrapnel and bullet marks in it I told him let’s go, we’ll be late.
As we stepped in the commander started to welcome us, and everything was alright, but nearly after ten minutes we heard two successive explosions outside of the auditorium, everybody panicked, and then we realized we are being attacked by mortar shells, and one has hit the auditorium and was on fire. There were some wounded, and Wilson told me, here they are welcoming us as well, it looks like the curses of Iraq have just begunThis was the first time I saw something like that.
The night came, and we were sitting with a group of friends, one said that more than twenty were either wounded or killed when the two rockets hit, and I said to myself: My God, if they were two inches closer to us we would’ve been among the dead by now.
We went sleeping and Wilson told me, imagine if we were hit again! I told him, this might be our last sleep.
I couldn’t sleep that night, I was thinking about home, Mom, and my girlfriend, work was pretty good, and my life was calm, why am I here? I thought a lot of an answer until I felt asleep.
The next day, we were assigned a guard mission for a Halliburton convey. We left the base, and that was the first time I saw the streets in Iraq, we went out and I mounted the Humvee’s tower. We arrived at the convey which was coming from Jordan, there were a lot of trucks and we were driving along side to protect them and keep Iraqis cars away. My mind went astray for a second, and I thought, this is a Halliburton and KBR convey, which has contracts in hundreds of millions with the army, and we are here to protect it and take hits on their behalf. It is the vice president owned Halliburton. Oh my God, they are sending us to war, and then invest their money on us.
Suddenly a group of Iraqi cars showed up, the commanding officer asked me to order them to move away, I got back to my senses and asked them to move, and they did.
A few minutes later, a sound of an explosion came from the back, and when I looked I saw one of the trucks on fire, as one of the privates was shouting “IED, IED” … which stands for Improvised Explosive Device … that’s a hard number in Iraq.
A few seconds later we were taken by surprise with bullet showers and RPG launchers as another IED exploded, it seemed that we were stuck in a trap. I then started to fire back at the direction of the armed men, which we couldn’t see, because you can't tell from which direction is the fire coming. Then the armed men left as we no longer were hit.
Two trucks were burnt, these IEDs were supposed to be our share, but thank God.
Our mission was over, and went back to our base.
It was another sad day, in which I saw death again. Until when will I stay in this hell?
Why are we even here? The people hate us, and they still don’t want our presence, a lot of the kids throw stones at us. We didn’t find the weapons of mass destruction which they talked about, even worse, our forces have used it against civilians in Fallujah. And even after capturing Saddam, the attacks are increasing daily.
Here are the sons of America, falling everyday, each have a family, friends and kids waiting for their return.
In the first three years 2314 soldiers were killed, in the very same period 1864 were killed in Vietnam.
Can’t we learn from our mistakes?
I started to regret the day I enlisted for the army, and I remember that awful day when the Pentagon recruiters came to enlist us, and how I was convinced by what they said. I was told the Pentagon spends 2.5 Billion dollars yearly to recruit us, develop computer games for us to play, and then a few months later would send us to practice it on the battlefield. My God, wasn’t this money better off spent in New Orleans or even on the poor in the South, or for HIV prevention campaigns.
But that guys talk was full of promises, the scholarship, and job training, and everything they promised allured us to enlist. But here I am in Iraq, sleeping as my biggest dream is not larger than seeing the dawn of the next day, and that my life won’t end with a sharpen of a bloody mortar shell.
Besides, I didn’t come here to participate in causing destruction, I though we will be helping these people re-build their country, but I never heard from any senior officer or even top officials and politicians in the media talking about re-construction!!!
More to the point, I’m anti-war myself …
I only wish that I stood more firmly behind that. I didn’t know that coming over here would change all my future plans … Because I never anticipated nor imagined that I would come here to simply lose my life.
I don’t think this is what any American wants, to travel thus far only to tragically lose his or her life for nothing.
The future was ahead of me … I have planned differently for it, and I don’t know how my coming over here would have benefited my people, sarcastically most of my hometown folks don’t even know where Iraq is located on a map.
Why don’t we just leave these people alone? If Saddam was a dictator then our neighbor Castro is a dictator too.
Moreover, where are all the piled weapons of mass destruction?!I joined the army and went to Iraq to make sure that these weapons will not be used against my own people, but we didn’t find any! So why are we here today?
Is my government bluffing? Is the president bluffing?
Oh my God, looks like I won’t be sleeping tonight as well, as I just heard the siren go on, and we are being instructed to go into the fortified bases because there are some mortars coming our way.
Patrols all day, IEDs and bullets from unknown locations, and after all of this physical and mental stress we can't even sleep for an hour during the night …
The alarm went off, and so did my anxiety, I’ll try to sleep for a few hours, to start fresh for a next day filled with surprises. Tomorrow I’ll try not to be the gunner, I won’t stand at the Humvee tower, because you can excuse yourself from a night shift with a few dollars, and with more dollars you can skip the Humvee tower watch, which makes you an easy prey for the snipers and IED shrapnel … But still, the Marijuana rolled cigarettes are the rare currency capable of buying and changing anything.
The drugs goes all around in here, and we have those who sneak it in our base orderly, its business is prospering, and the gangs are monopolizing it … Yes, gangs, don’t feel strange … Exactly like the Latinos influence and control over the markets of drugs and prostitution in Florida. My dormitory for example is under the GDN gang’s control, and no other competitor is allowed in.
Anyways, I feel fortunate as everybody here loves the GDN, and they respect and fear its mother gang the Folk Nation.
It is the dawn of a new day, we went out to the city for our everyday patrol, it was a Friday, we found a crowd by one of the mosques, there were some very angry people protesting and holding signs in English that read: Go Home, We Don’t Want You In Iraq. I remembered those days in which I was participating in such anti-war protests, I was one of the 11 Million who protested in America against the war, but nobody listened to us, in America the cradle of democracy!, and the president even described us as focus groups!
I looked at those protestants, whom are supposed to be happy with big smiles in their faces, and are supposed to be throwing us with flowers and candy just like the president said. But they were right in what their doing. Because the president promised Iraq to be the best country in the region, and the world to be safer, and that Iraqis would lead a life of democracy and freedom which they were deprived of, and that we’ll reconstruct their country. But what happened was quite the opposite, no one is safe, the basic necessities of life are not available, in addition to what the reckless soldiers are doing to Iraqis such as the torturing and humiliation we all saw in Abu Graib, which only shows part of the big picture. What an ugly world is this.
In our way back we saw death once again, when an IED exploded at the Humvee in front of us. I saw it fly up and flip on its side killing a soldier and wounding the rest. And I said oh my God, what if our Humvee was a few meters ahead instead of that Humvee. Oh God it's hell in here, if you don’t get hit and killed then you’ll be living to wait for your turn. This phobia which you live in is even more damaging.
We went back to our ominous base, and in that day they were holding a funeral service for the dead soldier, we all stood in sadness and grief. His boots and rifle were upside down, hanged on it was his helmet which didn’t protect him from the shrapnel. Some of his friends delivered an eulogy.He was nearly my age, married, and just had a baby one month ago, which he never saw and never will. This soldier is nothing but a number to be added to the thousands of numbers in the death records, but he is worth a lot for other people specially that baby who will live his whole life without a father, all for the sake of Mr. President.
In this night, as usual, the sirens went on, announcing a new night full of anxiety, everybody ran to their shelter. No peace whether outside or even inside the base. And I wondered don’t those rebels get tired, it has been more than three years now, yet everyday they become more violent, and why haven’t we defeated them so far? It might be that people hate us, and so, they support them. But those are rebels or terrorist who hate freedom and democracy, and they want to harm Iraqis, and kill them, that’s what the president said. But why are they still fighting until this very minute? Nobody can deny the horrible crimes we committed in this country. We promised them a lot and offered them nothing, we made their country the most dangerous place in the world.
They are using different methods and tactics, and there are tens of ways in which they can make you lose your life:
- A shrapnel-stocked IED- Trashed inside a Hummer- Trapped in a burning Abrams- A sudden death by a sniper’s bullet- Mortar attack right at your bunk in your dormitory- Suicidal operation- Or more interestingly, watching yourself falling down in your own warplane
My homeland … America was once occupied, and the British committed horrible crimes against us. Boston’s massacre, that’s what it was called in the history class. They killed five civilians and then the American revolution started, and battles lasted for eight years between the British army and the Continental army, and heroes came out like John Paul Jones and George Washington, and then we got our independence.
Ironically, we have directly and indirectly killed more than 700 thousand Iraqis because of the chaos we caused, and yet we don’t want them to resist?
This too torments me, as I always feel I’m the oppressor, not the oppressed, but if I don’t kill I’ll be killed!! But why all of this in the first place?
As for those who we thought would hasten our exit out of Iraq, I mean the Iraqi Police and National Guard, they are so corrupted and lame that we can’t rely on them to do anything. They even can’t get a simple task done without our direct interference and supervision. They don’t even care of their own people, as if they were not Iraqis, they torture them more than we do, and in checkpoints they treat them brutally. In addition to all that they are stupid and useless.
Another day of our sad days in Iraq is over, and the sun of the new day has rose.
I missed you so much this day Mom, and I remembered the Christmas holidays, Santa Clause gifts and the rest of my family. I wish I could go home soon and never ever return here.
I feel like I’m Charlie Sheen playing the role of Chris in the movie Platoon. Because both of us come from an upper class rich and educated family, both of us went to war believing that we are the heroic saviors of the world, and both of us were put down by the factual realities on the ground.
And I wish that I can make it out in peace in the end, just like Chris!!
I actually feel like if I was part of that platoon in the movie. Or to describe it more accurately I feel like the soldiers have came out of the movie and are playing their roles in reality in Iraq!!! As the same scenarios keep repeating themselves, the massacre in village, the discord within the unit, the daily loss of buddies, and the drugs underneath the helmet of every soldier …
What we are doing here is so disgraceful, our acts are shameful, and we are a shame in the face of freedom and morals.
I started to hate people, and people hate us so much, and they throw everything at us.
And on top of all that I hate myself, and I am afraid that I’ll mentally deteriorate or have a post-traumatic stress like most of those who returned home, or commit a crime like the one Andres Raya did in California, or shoot one of my family and myself like Pfc. Stephen S. Sherwood after he came back from Iraq, or commit a suicide like hundreds do in here.
Why should I die for someone’s personal gains, and deceptive conclusions! and deceiving promises?
Where is the scholarship? And the financial aid you promised? Will you be forwarding it to me in hell?
Dear Mom, family, neighbors and good friends, I wish I was there with you this Christmas.
My friends,
Christopher,Parry,Mathew,Chad,Douglas,
I'll always remember all our good times we shared together. Don’t follow my steps and work quickly to get yourselves out of this mess, because nobody will get you out.
For all of that I wish that you step up and work seriously so that no more parents would lose their kids, and so that no more moms are shocked for the lose of their kids, or babies of their fathers.
In the end … I regretfully quote the wise words of our friend Chris as he was leaving Vietnam, as his words prove that we learned nothing from our tragic experience in there. But maybe his words would find an ear now:
I think now … looking back, we didn't fight the enemy …We fought ourselves.And the enemy was in us … the war is over for me now; but I'll always be there …
Spc. Lee Kendell Tucker590-80-5469
